Thoughts on 40…

…not to be confused with turning 40!

I stumbled upon an article on the site Digital Spy where a poll conducted by LA Fitness asked 2,000 people for their 2013 objectives.  Here’s the top 40 list from the poll, many of which certainly did end up on people’s lists of New Year Resolutions (and my thoughts trailing afterwards).

40

1. Read more books (I’m confused… texting, youtube, and social media has all but eroded everyone’s attention spans.  Why would we want to read more books?  Maybe we subconsciously want our attention spans back?  Wait?!  What was I writing about again?  Dang!)
2. Save more money (Sure, I’d like to save more of my money.  How ’bout finding extra money?  Or armed robbery?)
3. Lose weight (Just like money; think more dollar bills and less change.)
4. Redecorate (… your walls with cereal boxes.  That’ll save more money.)
5. Take better photos (… by using real cameras again.  Or by stop using InstaGram.)
6. Go traveling (… which seems counter to saving more money… unless using a bicycle.)
7. Sell old unwanted stuff on eBay (Agreed.  eBay is cool, but Kijiji is cooler–you actually meet freakish people, when you’re not getting stood up by them!  Jerks!)
8. Buy a tablet (… from the paper isle at Staples.  Kickin’ it old-school!)
9. Organize photos (Start by not taking pictures on every mobile device you own?  Just saying.)
10. Do something for charity (Start by buying the person behind you in line a coffee.  I’m the guy with the plaid shirt.)
11. Spend more time with kids (Can’t quite understand it.  My kids would rather not. Perhaps 2013 wasn’t the year to stop buying deodorant.)
12. Buy a Sunday paper  (Really, with the same money we’re trying to save?  The TV guides online now! And we still have no attention span.)
13. Less TV time (Agreed.  Cut the cable.  Watch more shows online.)
14. Connect my computer to my TV (Sure, right after I buy a new TV in 2014 with all the money I saved in 2013.)
15. Leave work on time more often (Great idea! But I’d rather start by just getting to work on time more often.  Unless we’re trying for a shorter workday?!  Duly noted.)
16. Less time on Facebook (Excellent!  Please help me find more annoying friends to further repulse me from using it.)
17. Totally revamp my wardrobe (Plaid?  Plaid forever!  The rest of you are nuts.)
18. Try a new hairstyle (Sure.  But first I’ll have to transplant some from the lower regions.)
19. Get a six-pack (Okay, But beers not really my thang.)
20. Eat less chocolate (What?  Who are these freaking people!)
21. Socialise more in real life rather than Facebook (Yes.  It’s called a telephone young people. You talk with it.)
22. Drink less alcohol (Agreed. Even better, drink someone else’s alcohol).

starbucks_barrista
23. Buy less coffee from Starbucks (Sure.  That’ll last a week.  When was the last time you tried office coffee? So how do you steal Starbucks coffee anyways?)
24. Start my own business (By now I think we’ve determined I’m trying to save money, and my attention span is limited at best.  Let’s wait til 2014 for this one.)
25. Tell someone I have feelings for them (I’d love to tell my boss about my feelings, but suppressing them helps keep me employed.)
26. Quit smoking (Yes.  Setting things on fire is bad!  I think we covered that in 2012.)
27. Gain a promotion (Again.  That’s why we keep our real feelings to ourselves, right?!)
28. Learn how to use Twitter (Sure. So I can miss use the hash key and further erode my attention span).
29. Run a half or full marathon (Who are these people?!  Ah, right… silly LA Fitness poll.)
30. Call people more than text (That depends… how about good news by phone, and bad news by text?  Seems like a reasonable compromise.)
31. Cut someone out of my life who isn’t good for me (Hey, why are you looking at me that way?!)
32. Meet online contacts in real life (I’m not sure I want any more scary real life people in life, unless you’re buying me coffee in the Starbucks line.)
33. Watch less reality TV (And more YouTube instead?  I don’t think this is helping any of us.)
34. Text people less (Less bad news is a good thing… see my point at number 30.)
35. Try to save relationship (Does that involve you saying, “I think we should just be friends?”  No.  Say it isn’t so!)
36. Try extreme sports (Only if I get a cool free Redbull outfit, a TV special, and a good looking nurse.)
37. Get better at social networking (How about we try complete sentences with capitals and punctuation?)
38. Stop contacting/going back to an ex-partner (That depends.  How much money money did she have?)
39. Have a face-to-face with my boss to find out where I stand (This was covered under the previous “feelings” discussions.)
40. Do a bungee jump (Only as the guest of Reality TV–please come back ABC’s The Mole *sniffle, sniffle*)

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